


Five Things Clint Notices and a Couple Things He Doesn't

by kari2171



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-17
Updated: 2012-10-17
Packaged: 2017-11-16 13:02:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/539707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kari2171/pseuds/kari2171
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint thinks he is an excellent observer, but what is he missing?  Usual disclaimers, I own nothing, yadda yadda yadda. Un-Beta'd.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Things Clint Notices and a Couple Things He Doesn't

Five Things Clint Saw coming and Few Things He Didn’t

Clint had always been observant. Growing up, he avoided pain by knowing when his dad was going to get drunk and staying out of the way; by seeing which of the other orphans were going to get violent and striking out first; by knowing when to become a good guy and leave his life as he knew it and join SHIELD.

By now, observing human behavior had become second nature. He didn’t even realize he was doing it half the time. Yes, he had hidden perches all over the mansion, and SHIELD headquarters, and heck the whole city. He didn’t mean to spy on people; things just seemed to happen where he could see them. Unobserved.

The first thing he figured out was that Captain America and Iron Man liked each other. They may have started their relationship by arguing, their approaches were very different, but they had the same goals. Iron Man needed to save the world in order to make up for what he felt were unforgivable wrongs from his past. Captain America needed to save the world because he used to be the little guy that everyone picked on, but now he could be the protector. Clint figured out Iron Man first. Yes, Stark gave lip service to the thought that Steve was just a combination of propaganda and lab experiments, but since when did Tony Stark mind something being a product of human ingenuity rather than nature? He didn’t seem to mind Jarvis being artificially intelligent, why would he mind Captain America being artificially heroic? It seemed like he protested a bit too much, and really only brought out his insults when Steve started it.

Steve took a bit longer to come around. He honestly didn’t understand Tony. He had too many memories of all the selfless men he had served with in WWII and Tony’s own father to understand that the millionaire philanthropist playboy thing was a mask used to hide Tony’s own insecurities about whether he was a good man. That changed when Tony crashed back to earth after almost sacrificing himself to a nuclear weapon and portal to another world. When Tony’s reactor was dark, Clint saw the pain on the Steve’s face. Then the obvious relief when Tony opened his eyes.

After that, Clint figured out that eventually, Tony and Steve would be friends. This revelation made him feel a bit jealous. He only had one friend and Natasha was a great friend, but kind of a scary one. They depended on each other too much.

Next, he figured out Natasha liked being a part of a team. She still was a fairly solitary person, and maybe it was their past history that helped him see the small steps she took, but Natasha was becoming used to being able to depend on other people. She had learned to trust Clint after all he had done for her, and because Clint trusted Coulson, she had tried to. But it was after the Avengers had all moved into Stark Tower that she truly let herself believe that the team wouldn’t eventually disappoint her. She started bring tea to Bruce when he was working too long in the lab and trust he wouldn’t get angry at the interruption. She would practice hand to hand with Steve and trust that he would pull his punches enough to not hurt her, but not so much the practice was useless. She got drunk on Asgardian mead with Thor and trusted that anything she said while intoxicated would stay private. She knew all about undercover work and masks, so eventually she trusted Tony to believe her when she told him he was a good man. Nat never told Clint any of this, she probably hadn’t admitted it to herself yet, but Clint had always been observant. This revelation made him feel better. He figured out that even if he didn’t make it back from some mission, Natasha wouldn’t be alone.

Clint figured out what Bruce meant when he said he was always angry. There were levels to his anger. First Clint noticed the slightly annoyed expression when Tony would try to push Bruce’s buttons. Kind of what Clint imagines he himself looked like when shooing pigeons from his snipers nests. Hardly something to get worked up over, just annoying.

Then there was the level that still didn’t bring out the Hulk, but was close. Like when Fury trying to get Bruce to agree to become a SHIELD lab rat. As if any scientist employed by SHIELD could hold a candle to what he and Betty could do with a properly equipped lab. Clint could see from his perch outside Fury’s office that Bruce was barely containing himself when Tony came to his rescue. Bruce would live in the mansion with Tony and use his labs, while Tony would take responsibility if the Hulk broke the city.

And then there was Hulk angry. The team was in danger and Clint saw, while dodging bullets and tentacles, Bruce willing let go and accepting the anger, allowing himself to transform. The Hulk started smashing the multi-tentacled monster and hydra goons that had the rest of the team in a stalemate. Yes, a few city blocks could be considered collateral damage, but no more civilians were hurt and the team wouldn’t have survived without him. After changing back, Bruce retreated to his lab for days until Thor persuaded him to come out. Clint envied Bruce his anger and ability to let it lose when necessary. Clint often acted out of control as part of his cover personality, but he couldn’t remember the last time he truly let out all of his emotions. He was sure there would be more collateral damage than a few apartment buildings and coffee shops if it ever happened.

Then Clint figured out Thor was deeper and more thoughtful than the other Avengers gave him credit for. Thor would cajole Bruce and Tony from their labs for nights of drinking and eating and bonding in manly ways. Especially if Tony or Bruce were using the labs as places to hide from the trials of their lives. The three never talked specifically about the issues that couldn’t really be fixed anyway, but the nights of togetherness often lightened the load.

Thor took to Natasha as she reminded him Sif, Asgard's greatest female warrior. After returning from battles, Thor always made sure Nat was OK physically. He knew she would never admit to the other Avengers if she were injured, let alone SHIELD‘s medical staff. So he would offer to spar with her and if she turned him down, he knew she was injured and would guilt her into an admission. If at all possible, and often with the help of Jarvis, he would tend her wounds. Anything he couldn’t handle, he would make her find Bruce to help. Eventually Natasha would just admit what had happened and trusted him to help her without wounding her pride.

Thor often went out on the roof after a rain looking for rainbows. When he saw one, he looked so sad, remembering the brother that had betrayed his trust. Clint knew about brothers who didn’t live up to expectations. Sometimes Clint would come down from his hidden perch and just stand next to Thor, both looking at the rainbow and imagining what could have been, if their brothers had only made better choices.

Clint figured out that while in many ways Thor was childlike in his innocence and openness, there was much more to the demigod than the others realized. Clint envied Thor his heart, Clint’s had died long ago.

Then Clint figured out that the friendship between Iron Man and Captain America was the same, but the relationship between Steve and Tony had grown and developed into …more. Steve started hanging out in Tony’s lab, sketching or playing checkers with Tony’s robots for hours on end.

Tony started allowing Steve to talk him into leaving the lab and sleeping in his own room. Steve was the only one who could get him to team meals and movie nights. Steve ran interference when Fury wanted Tony’s attention or Pepper needed to talk business. Tony trusted Steve to interrupt only when it was in Tony’s best interest.

Then Tony started trying to learn about things Steve liked. They went to art museums (Clint was actually on a scouting mission, trailing an art loving Hydra operative when he discovered this). Tony tried to learn to cook, although that was hit and miss depending on how distracted Tony became if Steve was in the kitchen. Tony designed a new motorcycle for Steve.

Clint knew when they had their first date. (When you want a first date to stay private, don’t plan a moonlight picnic on a balcony when your teammate is known for liking heights.) Clint hovered in the shadows, green with envy. Not that he was attracted to either man, Tony was messed up almost more than himself and Steve was just too innocent. But Clint was completely jealous of the fact they had each other. He and Nat had tried for awhile. It turned out they were better best friends than lovers and they were lucky enough to both realize that and not ruin the friendship. Clint couldn’t imagine anyone ever loving someone like him. He assumed he would die on some mission in the middle of nowhere; he only hoped he would go out alone and not take the team with him.

One thing he never saw coming was Agent Phil Coulson’s return from the dead.

Clint hadn’t been himself the first time Phil had ‘died’. But he was there when Coulson came back. Clint came into the library after a night on the roof to find Phil sitting at the desk, filling out the paperwork SHIELD and the United States Government needed to allow him to come back to life. Phil still looked a bit paler than usual, and it wasn’t like he was tan even after weeks in New Mexico, but otherwise the same Coulson. Clint didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t realized what Phil meant to him until after he was gone, and now that he was back, all those emotions he was scared to let out came at him all at once. All his mind would let him say was “Welcome back.”

“Thanks. Guess I have some explaining to do.” Coulson said.

“Whenever you’re ready.”

Phil asked Jarvis to let the rest of the team know there would be a meeting in the kitchen at 8:00. He asked the AI to not tell them who called the meeting, but to please let Steve know it was important enough to make sure Tony was there. Coulson continued with his paperwork while Clint sat on his bookcase perch, watching the man who had been his handler, had been the only person Clint trusted in years, the only man, until the Avengers, who hadn’t either used or betrayed him, and Phil was alive.

They left the library together. On the way to the kitchen, Clint finally asked “Are you OK?”

“I am now.” Phil answered, looking Clint in the eye for the first time that day. Clint saw how tired Phil looked, how apprehensive. He saw that Phil was prepared for the team to be angry at his deception, even if Fury was the one who lied.

“I’m not mad at you.” Clint said to try and alleviate his handlers fear, but then he knew it was true. He wasn’t angry at Coulson. (He’d find a way to punish Fury later) He was too happy to have this man back in his life to waste time being angry at him. Looking back at Phil, he saw at least some of the fear leave his eyes, and Coulson visibly stood straighter, as if Clint’s words helped him face the confrontation to come.

The team was talking amongst themselves when the pair arrived in the kitchen. Tony was complaining to Cap about being interrupted for what he was sure was SHIELD nonsense, Nat and Bruce were quietly sipping Russian tea and Thor was explaining to them both how Jane was visiting next week and all he had planned for their time together. The room went silent when they saw Phil Coulson alive in the kitchen. Captain America was the first to come to his senses when he said “Fucking Fury.” He stood and hugged Coulson carefully, not knowing how bad his injuries may have been. Tony got up next and punched Clint in the nose.

“What the Hell?” Clint said.

“You knew and you let us think he was dead?” Tony yelled. “I actually shed a tear for this mans death and Tony Stark Does. Not. Cry.”!

“Then you should punch Fury, I didn’t know.” Clint said while holding his nose, hoping that if it was broken again, it would straighten the slight bend that had been left the last time he and Natasha had sparred a bit too aggressively.

“You walked in here with him, you knew before the rest of us.”

“Agent Barton has known for about 15 minutes Stark.” Coulson stepped between the two men. “I didn’t think anyone would be in the library at this time of day. I should have remembered his fondness for the top of bookcases. Calm down before I remember where I hid my taser.” Coulson said calmly.

“Son of Coul, are you well, are you still injured?” Thor asked.

“Were you ever injured or was it all an act?” Natasha asked. She wasn’t saying that accusingly, she knew that being a secret agent sometimes involved hurting the people closest to you.

“Yes, Loki really did almost kill me, the doctors at SHIELD just figured out how to save me. I spent weeks in a secret lab while they re-grew my lungs. I was unconscious until just a few days ago. As soon as I knew what Fury had done, I insisted they let me come here and try and talk to you all.” Phil still spoke calmly but Clint moved a bit closer, as if being closer to him physically Phil would know of his emotional support.

“Are you OK now?” Bruce asked, echoing Clint’s words from earlier.

“I won’t be in the field anytime soon, but I’m well enough for paperwork.” Coulson answered. Clint had worked with Coulson long enough to hear the exhaustion behind the calm words.

“Can we please all sit down? I need to stop my nose bleed and I don’t need anyone else sneaking up and sucker punching me.” The words may have been aimed at Tony, but Phil knew they were to help him save face.

They all found places around the table, and while Clint sat with his head back, pinching his nose, Phil explained what he knew about the hoax Fury had perpetrated. Phil finished the story by saying “I won’t try and excuse what Fury did, but I will say I honestly think he did what he thought was best for the greater good. You’re a real team now.”

“Until now, we were a team with a broken heart.” Clint said quietly, waiting for the others to make fun of his sentimentality. No one contradicted him.

“Well, I don’t know what to say to that.” Phil said, embarrassed.

“Well, I think its time for a welcome back from the dead party.” Tony said with a gleam in his eye.

“I’m not ready for the kind of debauchery one of your parties entail Stark, don’t think I’m even ready for the amount of paperwork it takes to cover up one of your kind of parties.” Coulson admitted.

“What about just the team with all the different kinds of takeout you can eat and any movie you want?” Steve asked.

“I can probably handle that.” Phil said. “I’ll meet you after I get back from dealing with things at headquarters.”

“Do you want anyone to go with you?” Natasha asked hoping he would say yes.

“I think it would probably be best if I talked to Fury without any of you trying to avenge my supposed death by killing the Director.” Phil said, knowing that any or all of them could do what they wanted to the director, but hoping by telling them he didn’t want Fury injured would be enough to stop them.

“We’ll let you handle it for now Phil, but Fury will have to explain himself to us, and soon. We aren’t going to let this team be used like that again.” Steve said in his most earnest Captain America voice. Lying for any reason just didn’t fit into his world view.

“Tell him no more Stark inventions for SHIELD until he grovels to all of us.” Tony added, knowing that Cap’s earnestness wouldn’t reach Fury’s cold heart, but practicality would.

“Understood. I have to get going; he’s probably already got a search party out for me.” Phil admitted.

“You mean you didn’t wait for his OK?” Clint asked.

“I thought in this one instance, it would be better to ask forgiveness than seek permission.” Phil almost looked sheepish.

“I knew my deviousness and Natasha’s sneakiness would wear off on you eventually.” Clint said, laughing for the first time in what felt like forever.

“Group hug!” Thor announced and again, no one made fun of the idea, they all stood and embraced each other.

Clint could feel Phil finally completely relaxed as the group surrounded him. They weren’t mad at him; he was now a true part of the team, not just their handler.

Phil broke the hug after a few moments, and said, “Time for me to deal with the director. I’ll be back by 6:00.”

“If you’re not here by 6:30, we’re coming to break you out and I can’t promise nothing will happen to Fury.” At first Clint thought it was Tony talking, but it was Steve.

“I’ll be here.” Phil said and left the room.

 

Clint left the others plotting revenge on Fury and deciding what they would need to properly welcome Phil home. He went to the roof and made his own way from rooftop to rooftop and just beat Phil to SHIELD's secret headquarters. (Why they still called it a secret, he didn’t know. Every super villain in the world had attacked it at one time or another, but whatever made the troops feel safe he thought.)

Clint took up his watch on the ledge outside Fury’s office. He couldn’t hear what was being said, but he could see their interaction. Fury kept trying to placate the obviously upset Coulson. The fact that Phil was visibly upset spoke volumes about how wounded he was by his bosses betrayal. Clint had seen Coulson held at gunpoint more than once and Phil had never broken a sweat. He often looked like he was trying to make a grocery list in his head when being surrounded by enemy agents looking to kill him. Anyone who had seen the security footage of a certain gas station in New Mexico knew Phil Coulson never looked upset. (Clint had never admitted leaking that video to the internet. Phil noticed he never actually denied it either.) Fury had finally had enough of trying to explain himself. He then went with getting upset himself. They were actually yelling at each other. (Clint made a mental note to ask the junior agent that was Fury’s personal assistant for any audio recordings or even what she had overheard. He wasn’t above using her crush on Hawkeye to get intel.)

Fury had finally run out of steam and used the last arrow in his quiver. He looked to be apologizing. Even Phil couldn’t stand up to the mighty Nick Fury admitting he was wrong about something. Fury held out his hand and after an extra long moment, Phil shook it. Clint realized Phil would be ok on his own now, and went back to the mansion.

He went to his roof top hideaway and started to try and come to grips with his emotions. He went back in his mind to the moment Natasha had told Clint of Coulson’s death. After the battle with Loki, after the team knew Clint was no longer under the magicians influence, she broke the news to him.

Clint hadn’t figured out what Coulson meant to him until after he was gone. Coulson had become a touchstone, as long as Phil’s voice was in his ear; he knew he would come out of the op alive. Coulson didn’t leave a man behind. That was actually how they first met in person.

_Clint had been hearing rumors about a new agent who was almost as scary as Fury but without the bluster. A man who could kill someone with paperclips while considering what to have for dinner. A man who could bully Tony Stark into doing the impossible one moment and watch a Supernanny marathon the next. Coulson at that point was the handler of handlers. If an op went well, the handlers never saw him, but god help the agent who let an op go poorly._

_Clint had numerous handlers since joining SHIELD, the combination of insolence and independence made him a thorn in most of their sides and it wasn’t long before they requested transfers. The latest was the worst. Agent Tina was barely out of SHIELD basic spy training, she had let Clint be led into a trap and then abandoned him when his position was overrun. (What secret agency hires someone named Tina anyway?) When Coulson arrived in Israel, he asked Tina calmly, “What happened?”_

_She spent minutes trying to blame bad intelligence, bad coverage, Clint’s insistence that he could carry out any mission, but then she got to the details of the end of the operation, and admitted that she had left before she knew Clint was dead._

_“Agent Tina, please report to Maria Hill and tell her she has a new foot soldier to train.” Phil said coldly._

Becoming one of Hill’s foot soldiers was like becoming a red shirt in the old Star Trek episodes. You may come out alive, but the odds weren’t good.

_Phil ended up owing a favor to the head of Mossad, the Israeli intelligence organization, when Coulson contacted him for information regarding the location of his sniper. The agency had just heard of an American being held by a small terrorist cell outside of Tel Aviv._

_Phil had then pushed Fury to let him bring in a team for the rescue, even though Clint wasn’t really a security threat. If he told the terrorist all he knew, SHIELD could change a couple access codes and life would go on as usual for Fury. Phil had reminded the director of how important Clint’s sniper skills were, how no one else could really control agent Romonov, of how it may affect the moral of other assets to learn how easily the organization let them die. (That was probably stretching things a bit. The only other asset he got along with at that point was Natasha.) Fury finally agreed, more to have something to hold over Phil’s head than for any other reason and sent the extraction team._

_He then bribed local tribesmen to hide among them in order to sneak close to the camp. That money had come out of his Phil’s own pocket. Then, following the motto “Rangers lead the way” Phil was the first through the gates into the compound._

_Clint had been tortured for only 8 hours when the SHIELD rescue squad burst into the compound. The main interrogator had him tied to a chair in the middle of a small room with an armed guard pointing an assault rifle at him at all times. Clint had still almost gotten his hands free of the ropes undetected when he heard the first gunshots. The terrorists, who, while they had grand plans, were small in number, were no match for the secret agents. In a matter of minutes they had all been killed or captured._

_Clint looked up into Phil’s eyes for the first time, having a little trouble focusing due to the numerous blows he had taken to the head, and asked “What took you so long?”_

_“I had a personnel problem to take care of before I could attend to saving your ass Barton.”_

_“I assume that means I no longer have to deal with Agent Tiny Brain Tina.”_

_“That’s correct. I think I’m going to have to deal with you myself. You seem to have gone through all our other handlers.”_

Ever since then, Clint had only reported to Phil. Sometimes that meant that Clint had longer periods of downtime when Phil was busy with other assignments, but that was OK with Clint. When they were on solo assignments, Phil was all his. Phil was the only voice he heard in his earwig. Phil gave him all the information he had, not just what another handler might have thought was pertinent. On long stakeouts, Phil would sometimes, out of the blue, offer up some personal information on himself. Clint didn’t know what to think the first time that had happened. They were in Kosovo, waiting to assassinate a warlord after his best friend’s son’s wedding.

_The guests had just started arriving, so they Clint knew he had hours of waiting in front of him. Suddenly he heard Phil’s voice ask, “Ever have a best friend Barton?”_

_“I have Natasha” Clint responded almost automatically._

_“Not a former lover that could kill you. A best guy friend.”_

_“For a few years sir. I had my brother.”_

_“SHIELD’s information on Barney is still sketchy; do you know where he is now?”_

_“Haven’t seen or heard from him since he left for the army years ago sir.”_

_“I’m sorry Barton. If you want, I can see what I can find out when we get back.”_

_“I’d appreciate that sir.”_

_Minutes passed, then Clint asked “What about you sir? So you have a best friend?”_

_“No.”_

_“Did you ever?”_

_“Not really. Some people I liked in the Army, but no one that I call a best friend.”_

_“I’m sorry sir.”_

They spent the next few hours in radio silence until the warlord left the reception. Hawkeye killed him from a hundred yards and was busy packing his rifle and sneaking away, but Phil saw the bad mans best friend come out to the dead mans body and start to cry. No one would cry for Phil when his time came he was sure.

It wasn’t until after Phil’s death that Clint knew Coulson had somehow become his best friend.

Another time, Clint was waiting to ambush a drug lord in LA. This particular scumbag had made the mistake of developing a new kind of PCP that could make people have super strength. Not the usual PCP strength gained by not feeling any pain, but the kind of super strength that had led to criminals lifting cars, killing enemies with a single punch, and then dropping dead hours after ingestion. It was a threat simple police officers couldn’t stop. SHIELD's informant on the inside said the dealer was still the only man who knew the entire formula. Clint was to use an arrow that was rigged with knockout gas and capture the man so SHIELD could discover if the drug could be made safe to use on soldiers. (Steve hadn’t been found yet, but SHIELD was always trying to figure out a new way to make super soldiers.)

_“Have you ever had a hero Barton?” Phil asked._

_“Besides myself sir?”_

_“Yes, putting aside your great heroic capabilities.”_

_“No, not really sir.”_

_“Why not, do you suppose?”_

_“Guess I never had anyone that I trusted enough to believe in sir.”_

_“Sometimes you have to have faith, even when evidence would lead you not to.”_

_“I don’t understand sir.”_

_“Sometimes, in order to live up to being a hero, someone needs to believe in you first.”_

_“Doesn’t always work that way sir. I had faith that my brother knew right from wrong. That didn’t work out so well. I did the right thing, he got mad when I did, and he left.”_

_“I did try and look for him. After his honorable discharge from the army, he disappeared.”_

_“Thanks for trying sir.”_

_“Your welcome.”_

_“Have you had a hero sir?”_

_“I collected everything I could that dealt with Captain America when I was a kid.”_

_“Why him sir?”_

_“He started out as just this normal guy, who wanted so badly to do the right thing and went through hell to do it. Going in and saving all those fellow soldiers, stopping the Red Skull threat, sacrificing himself to save others lives, all actions of a true hero.”_

_“Bet those who knew him didn’t feel the same sir. To them he was probably a normal guy.”_

_“Maybe, maybe not, but my belief that he was a hero helps me be brave.”_

_“Guess I owe him one then sir. Wouldn’t have made it out of Israel without your bravery.”_

_“No, I saved you to avoid the paperwork involved when an asset is eliminated.”_

_“I knew you cared sir.”_

After Coulson’s death and even after Clint had met the real Captain America, Clint found that Phil had become his hero. He had never let Clint down.

A few months later and Natasha was deep undercover, seducing the leader of a Russian mob with connections to HYDRA. Clint and Phil were her extraction team. As soon as she had the information on the location of the local HYDRA base, she was to give the signal and Clint would use explosive arrows to create a diversion Widow could use to escape.

_“Have you ever been in love sir?” Clint asked on the comm._

_“No, lust, infatuation, strong like, but in love, no. You and Agent Romonov?”_

_“No I love her, but we were never in love.”_

_“Would you want to be?”_

_“With the life we lead? Doesn’t really seem fair to the other person sir.”_

_“No, there aren’t many people who could understand what we do.”_

_“And it always seemed to me like you would have to trust that person more than I seem to be capable of sir.”_

_“I don’t know about that Barton, You seem to trust me enough to follow my orders.”_

_“I haven’t disagreed with any of your orders yet sir.”_

Then, a white towel could be seen flapping out a window and the operation commenced.

They had long hours in cars or waiting for their prey and started to talk more and more. Clint started to tease Coulson, and Coulson started letting Barton see his enjoyment. Coulson started hanging out with Clint between assignments, watching him on the range or helping Clint talk SHIELD R&D to develop new kinds of arrows. Then they discovered they both enjoyed jazz. Phil liked earlier standards, and Clint liked newer, avant-garde jazz, but they could both appreciate the others choices. Clint started sitting on the arm of the couch in Phil’s office while jazz played and Phil did paperwork.

After Phil’s death, Clint realized he had trusted Phil and more than just in the field. He trusted Phil Coulson with his heart. Phil’s death had broken it.

Except, now Phil wasn’t dead and Clint didn’t know how to feel. All of the revelations that came after he thought Phil was gone, were they still real? Should he tell Phil how he felt? Clint thought Phil wouldn’t mind being his friend, he would be embarrassed about being called a hero, but even that they could probably get beyond, but he didn’t know how to love his very controlled, very officious, probably very straight boss. Could he go back to just being Agent Coulson’s asset, Phil’s friend and not let his love get in the way?

Clint decided to wait and watch. He had some time before Phil would be well enough to be in the field again, Clint could observe and decide from there what to do next. To try and live with the old status quo, to admit his feelings and deal with the inevitable rejection, or to leave. He could go back to being a solo gun for hire. He lived for years that way, he could do it again. He would hate it, but he could do it if it meant protecting Phil.

Coulson arrived back at the mansion at 6:00 with a suitcase and garment bag. “Got room for me Stark?”

“Only if you promise to leave the taser at headquarters.”

“That can be arranged.”

“Follow me.”

Tony led Phil to a simple room across the hall from Clint’s. Clint happened to be practicing climbing through air ducts when he heard them approaching. “Let me know if you need anything, redecorate all you want. Party starts in an hour in the rec room.”

“Thanks Star…Tony. I still believe in SHIELD, I still believe in the Initiative, I just couldn’t stay at headquarters not being able to trust Fury.”

“Hey, you’re talking to the guy who own surrogate father tried to kill him more than once. I understand trust issues.”

“Well, it’s appreciated.”

“No problem. Hope you brought more than just black suits, this party is strictly casual dress.”

“I’ll figure out something.”

Clint thought about what he had heard. Would admitting his feelings be another betrayal of Phil’s trust?

Clint went to the rec room a little before 7:00 and found the place filled with black. Black balloons filled the ceiling. Black roses in vases scattered around and a large black cake that said ‘Welcome back Agent Coulson; Fuck Fury’ in white frosting. Shit, next to the cake was a small stack of presents. Clint should have thought of that. Did he have anything he could add? Clint had always had to travel light, he didn’t have many superfluous things; certainly nothing he thought Phil would want.

“Clint, where have you been all day? I thought you would be all over helping with this, you do know Phil best.” Natasha asked him.

“Sorry, I’ve been a bit…distracted today I guess.” Clint chose his words carefully.

“Phil, welcome home.” Tony said as Coulson walked in the room.

“Nice color scheme Stark.” Phil said dryly. He was dressed casually, for Phil. Khaki dress slacks and a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, but no tie and the top button was undone. Clint had never seen him look so hot.

“No one else would let me go with the classic red and gold. Nice threads but we really need to get you some jeans and t-shirts.”

“I have those, just not here.”

“And how many of those t-shirts feature Captain America?”

Phil looked uncomfortable and said, “I’ll never tell.”

“Time for presents Son of Coul” Thor really was like a kid a Christmas, even when the presents weren’t for him.

“You guys shouldn’t have.”

“It was my brother that hurt you.”

“It wasn’t your fault Thor.”

“Well, I still feel indebted to you. Plus, the present isn’t grand.”

Thor had gotten Phil a bag of flour. (He had really liked that New Mexico video.) Natasha gave him a new taser, Tony just rolled his eyes. Bruce gave him a very complete first aid kit from the lab. Tony gave him a tracker that he said could be implanted subcutaneously so he would never be lost to them again. Steve had discovered a new set of Captain America trading cards that weren’t covered in blood that were now signed. All perfect gifts and Clint felt horrible. No one asked him about his lack of offerings, and he was saved by the bell when Jarvis announced someone at the door.

It was the first of the food deliveries and the party got started. Clint grabbed a beer and then stood against the far wall and watched the team eat and talk and relax. Clint noticed that Phil took at least a moment to talk to each member of the team individually, probably making sure that any questions or concerns had really been addressed. It’s one of the things that made Phil a good handler. He knew what each asset needed and took the time to see the person behind the rifle, or bow in Clint’s case.

Phil worked his way over to Clint. “How are you doing?”

“I’m fine sir.” Clint wasn’t going to dump all the thoughts that had been going through his head today on Phil that easily.

“You don’t seem to be having much fun at this party. I thought you would be a party animal.”

“Guess I am still in shock sir.”

“I know the feeling. I woke up and was missing a month of my life. I couldn’t figure out why no one I knew was there. Then I found out about Fury’s scheme. Nothing like being told everyone thinks you’re dead to put things in perspective.”

“What did you figure out?”

“Mostly, I don’t want to wake up in the hospital all alone ever again.” Phil was looking at Clint with a hopeful look.

Real conversations were easier when Clint just had Phil’s voice in his ear. Clint looked towards the rest of the team. “If we had known sir, we would have been there in a second.”

“I know that now.”

“You really are part of the team Sir.”

“We’re not on an op, quit calling me sir. I thought we were past that.”

“Sorry. Guess I really am still figuring things out.”

“Maybe I can help if you would talk to me.”

And just when Clint thought he could, Tony interrupted.

“Time to pick your movie Phil. Just tell Jarvis, he can stream pretty much anything.”

Tony led Phil over to the entertainment center and Clint looked back to his beer. Could he talk to Phil without losing him? As hard as it was to love Phil from afar, admitting his feelings could ruin the relationship they did have. He didn’t want to go back to having to call him sir all time. He really didn’t want to have to get a new handler. Phil did say he wanted to listen. Maybe he could give him an edited version, talk about how he missed Phil’s friendship.

Phil picked Men in Black III which he had missed during his illness. (Jarvis could get practically any movie.) The team spread out around the couches and chairs. Tony had made sure the snacks and beverages were on coffee tables with in reach. Clint found a seat on a love seat and Phil sat next to him. The movie was not as good as the first, but better than the second Men in Black. Phil had laughed in all the right spots and put up with all the good natured teasing about him being their own man in black, but by the end, Clint could tell he was getting tired.

“It’s been fun guys, but one of us is still recovering from death, maybe we should call it a night.” Clint said. Phil was going to try and argue, but the giant yawn that came out of his mouth made that a moot point. The team made quick work of disposing of the empty food containers and beer bottles. Phil asked,” Clint, can you help me take my gifts back to my room?”

“Sure.”

They went back towards their rooms and stopped outside Phil’s door.

“Sorry I didn’t get you anything.” Clint said apologetically.

“Hey, you were busy, what with following me to headquarters and staking out Fury’s office to make sure he didn’t kidnap me again.”

“How did you know?”

“A. I’ve known you a long time now Clint and B. I only suspected, you just confirmed it for me.”

“I must be out of it if I fell for the oldest trick in the book.”

“Knowing for sure is nice. Thanks for having my back.”

“Always.”

Clint didn’t know what else to say but he really didn’t want this moment to end. God, when did he turn into a 13 year old girl?

“I wish I had gotten you something. I don’t want you to think I don’t care.”

“I know how you feel.”

“Think so? I mean I know we’re friends, but I didn’t realize that you are my best friend until you were gone. I missed you so much. I also should have told you that you are my hero.” Clint suddenly found he couldn’t stop talking. All those damn feelings were just pouring out. “You saved my ass so many times and I know it’s the job, but so many times were above and beyond, especially when I can be such a pain in the ass, but I think I need to tell you what else I figured out when I thought you were dea…”

“Shut up Barton.”

Clint was ready to apologize for babbling when the final puzzle piece became clear. Phil Coulson leaned in and kissed him. Sometimes Clint was the last to know.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments, they make me feel all warm and snuggly,even the constructive critism.


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